Relationship Advice: How to talk about AS | This AS Life

In my previous article, I offered relationship advice on talking about your health condition with a new partner. But for those of you who are already in a relationship, talking about your ankylosing spondylitis can still be an issue. Too much and it can cause a strain on the relationship. Too little and it opens the door for miscommunication and misunderstanding.

I have two simple rules for talking to your partner about your health:


1. Don't splurge

Your partner doesn’t need to hear every detail about your day, all the medications you took and the status of all your aches and pains. Do this with your caregiver, doctor or other medical practitioner – not your partner.

Unless something really significant has changed when your other half asks how you’re feeling, you can simply respond by saying “the usual.” They will pretty much know what that means – and if they don’t, they’ll catch on quickly. On a bad day, you can simply tell them that it’s been “a bad day.” If it was a good day, tell them it was “a good day.”


2. Tell them the headline news

Do tell your partner about the following noteworthy events:

  • What happened at a doctor’s appointment
  • A new medication you’ve been prescribed
  • A new diagnosis you’ve received
  • Significant changes in symptoms or medical events/crises

Share the big stuff, but keep the day-to-day to a minimum. By doing this, you create a balance between the relationship and your condition so that your relationship doesn’t always revolve around your health issues.

You are not your illness or pain. There is so much more to you, so focus on what you bring to the relationship, and on loving your partner in the best way you can.








This article was written by Kira Lynne, a regular contributor at A social site helping the whole AS community to: Learn. Share. Inspire. Discuss.



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Professional Counsellor

Kira Lynne is a Life Coach, Professional Counsellor and Registered Holistic Nutritionist, based in Vancouver. She has lived with chronic pain and illness for over 20 years, and it was her journey to find answers that led to her book, Aches, Pains, and Love: A Guide to Dating and Relationships for Those With Chronic Pain and Illness. Kira is active on Twitter and Facebook, as well as having her own website

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